As you might know, I was let go from my last job because of the company’s low performance in general. In total, 15 people were let go, mostly new employees like myself. I took a few days to recharge and look for other job offers. Took some time to work on some personal projects, catch up with friends and relatives… but never really not doing anything.

It’s a thing I have… I need to be doing something. I can’t just not be working. That’s one of the reasons I loved being freelance; you’re your own boss and give yourself work to do. There is no busywork to keep you entertained, you do what you need to do because its your lively-hood. You work to pay the bills and eat. It’s a great motivational effect. In turn, this past month I have been working on redesigns to this current blog but decided to use it for the revival of my side project 20Somethings. While I did state that the project has been a bit of a failure, I have had a hard time shutting it down. I believe that it’s a great place for people in their 20s to read about real people with the same type of problems and situations. But more on that later.

I started the redesign on top of the framework using a GPL license and using a custom font that will work on most modern browsers and all iOS platforms. I really couldn’t have been able to do most of this if it weren’t for all the “free time” I’ve had in the last few weeks. The learning curve is high and there is a lot of work of “trial and error” and then back to debugging. I am not a web developer… I barely know some HTML and PHP but it’s just something I enjoy to dabble in.

I have also been up and up on my Objective-C learning. Sadly this is something that needs to be constantly practiced. You can only get better at it by practicing, which I am currently doing but not to satisfactory of actually releasing something to the public. In conjunction to learning Objective-C (C and C++) I started to learn Python. Another programming language. But a modern one and completely different. I really don’t know why I’m doing it, but it wouldn’t hurt to add another skill. I think it was suggested by one of the people I follow that has ties to Warner Music Group and their tech division, either way its something I am going to follow through on.

The last and probably what I’m most exited for is that a friend of mine has asked me to become his manager. It’s been a few weeks but changes are already apparent and I have tons of things to do. It is great when you work with someone that both trusts you as a friend and as a professional. This brings me back to my roots and it will be fun and challenging all at the same time, so very worthy.

As I stated before, me losing my old job was probably for the best… Things are taking shape and I will have more time to manage and consult with my friend about his career.

I am definitely looking forward for what is to come and all the learning opportunities this will lead to, as a manager, as an audio engineer, as a friend, and as a person.

Over the last few years of what some may call my adult life, I have learned not to openly discuss much of my own plans and goals, as these things can change a whim. I have seen my fair share of things changing at the last second, and then me being left to do damage control to salvage anything I can. I have learned that lesson wisely. Due to that fact, I want to retract some plans I had mentioned last year.

I mentioned to many that I would be moving to Madrid in the fall of 2010. I was every exited. Unfortunately, it seems like that will not be the case due to obstacles that need to be addressed first. Of course this does not mean that I will not move to Madrid, nor does it mean that it has been delayed…. It has just been put on hiatus until certain things are worked out.

When I arrived back in Los Angeles a few weeks ago, my first goal was to find a job. I have been out of a steady job since the end of August and it has been pretty bleak with the how the job market is adding insult to injury for any hope of finding a job in the music industry. It seems like I hit the ground running because in my first week back I had two lucrative interviews. As of last Monday I have a new job… and while it’s not something that I love and has anything to do with music, it will have to do.

Last year was both my most successful year as an adult but it was also the year I was broken, humbled and taken down a few notches… I had hit rock bottom to the point that I had found work tearing down old recording studios in Simi Valley. I had found a job destroying that which I enjoy doing.

I was down in the dumps with no end in sight… I even went as far to see if I could look for work in Ithaca while in New York for a month. Sadly, I was never able to get in contact with anyone to give the time of day.

So I have been at the lowest point I could possibly be. I was humbled and maybe for the best.

I see it this year will be more of righting wrongs and seeing where I can mend my path. I wish not to discuss much of what is happening because I’ve notice the more I talk about what I want to do the less it happens.

I have a few plans for the future, but as the sight on the horizon, it is vague. As I draw closer, the picture will get sharper.

I understand that might seem very difficult for some to understand, but after seeing so many of my personal goals fail after disclosing them with people too far in advance, I think, that sometimes, it’s just better to keep ones mouth shut.

What I can share is that I am venturing into a territory I have never been before in my personal life and as a musician, as a person with a significant other and even as a geek that I am.

I had to write it so these ideals and new value seem real. Maybe someday I will be able to re-read this entry and see that this was a turning point (or one of many) of life.

What I have learned and keep learning as the time goes by is that no matter how many times I fall… or am tripped, or pushed down, I need to get up and not be afraid to start from the bottom once more. I want something, need something and I need to fight for it, no matter the obstacles, or lack of motivation.

Life has been a bit busy… end of the school year, then packing and moving and to top it of Choir tour in Nor Cal and Hawaii.

Everything is almost back to normal, except for a few things…. I have no place to live. I applied for a sabbatical next semester, now it up to the summer and the following months if I should return to school next spring.

But other than that things are good… taking a few days to relax before starting a new project that will open doors.

You might be asking yourself what have been doing all this time that I haven’t been able to write about. Well, let me tell you.

I’m currently working hard a recording studio working with a great team of people that know their in’s and out’s of the biz here in LA but also have connection all over the country, which I am networking to get more connections in the East coast, primarily in New York and Boston. While doing this, still being involve with LAMN and AES chapter in Encino.

During me free time I am usually hang out with Claudia, and catching up with friends.

A couple of weeks ago I was able to get away from work (more like that band sucked and we just called it a week). To my surprise I had to fly out to New York with my father to sign some paper on the Lofts we currently in Escrow for. To clarify, WE are buying. I am not in the position, financially nor mentally, to undergo the purchase by myself. When I was approached by the guy selling his lofts, I quickly told my father. My parent where planing on moving to Porter ranch; my father wanted to get a few horses and teach riding to children in the area.But he thinks this a better investment. To clarify once more, I am poor. I work hard to pay my own bills and school. My parents are what we call, upper middle class. Seeing that my father had already reached his options in getting a fairly big house/equity loan, he said to half and half, (it’s more like 1/100 to 99/100). The deal is that I will be living in on of the lofts while the other will be rented out. I will live in the City and commute to Boston the Days I have class. Which will probably every day, but Its a sacrifice I’m willing to make to live in that loft. Either way, we are currently in Escrow and should close by the end of the month or early July. I have even posted some pictures on Facebook to see, and will be posting them on flickr tomorrow. After all the paperwork was done my father headed to Rochester to visit my cousin and I went to the Hamptons with friends.

This past weekend I visited Solvang and Santa Barbara. I just need to get away once more from LA and clear my head.

Currently I also have planned and is currently in the hands of my travel agent to vacation in Hawaii the second week of August. 7 days 8 night on a cruise of the Hawaiian Islands. Just my little way to end one chapter of life and a great way to start a new one.

I am also planning to ditch Verizon in late june to get my hands on the iPhone. There is a rumor/speculation that there is a SIM card slot. If there is it just made my life much easier. Seeing that I will be in Spain the first half of Spain, I will no longer have to buy a disposable cell but just buy a disposable SIM card and forward my US calls to that SIM. If that doesn’t work I considering the Blackberry Curve, but not sure if I should go back to Verizon to get it or stay on AT&T.

So, it seems like everything is going well, I just receive revised recording schedule and it seem like we are ahead of schedule a week, which is great. This way I’m free the last week of June, which coincidentally I will have time to do something fro my Birthday.

BTW, what do you think I should do? the whole going to Vegas and drink is so cliché. I’m European so I’ve been drinking since I could walk . I wanted to go shark diving but my friends don’t want to. So suggestions are welcomed.

For the time being I will be doing a few pro bono projects in which I will demonstrate my talents, capacity as an audio engineer and why I am the youngest Senior member. this take a great deal time out my life and seeing that I’m attending a university full time does not help.

Saturday I was contracted for a project that usually take two to three days. I got together with a friend of mine that owed me a favor and lock ourselves in the recording studio for 26 hours straight. To say the least, I was impressed that I was able to do that and also that I didn’t want to kill my friend after this whole ordeal. After that I came back to school and tried to enjoy a UCO concert which for the most part was awesome, until I got a phone call to come in to do some work on four audio tracks. Usually a eight hour job so I call up another friend to help me. I was there in less than an hour and we where finished in about three. Done and done with week one of PR stunts.

Came back home and tried getting sleep with no avail. So what the next logical thing to do, take sleeping pills. Two hours later and they still haven’t kicked in.

But I have been having such a trip. Laying on my bed remembering the first day of kinder and meeting Christine for the first time, becoming friends, and then her moving away. It seems that last week bunch has affected me in some way. I tried to clear the air the most I could. I tried to keep my own personal agenda to myself. Sure there are lingering feeling toward her, I have known her for quite sometime. But it just not meant to be at this point in time.

Is it hard to move on? No not really. Is it hard to let go? Yes.

Some people have asked me what I talked to her about, but as i said before, what was said is between me and her. People have asked me what the ring on my hand means. So tell you the truth, I’m not sure anymore. I originally got it as a promise ring to remind of a great person that i have on the other side of the country, but now I jut wear to remind me of what I had.

Why is it so hard to be happy?

Is this why I can’t sleep?

Am I trying to confront myself into admitting that I have a wound that still has not been healed? Or am I saying that enough is enough and it’s time to get back on the horse?

I dunno, but as I keep typing I discover different points of views of myself. Maybe it’s time to stop focusing on what I want and more on what I need. I think what I need is rest. rest from my life.

I landed at JFK airport and after getting off the plane it was quarter after, luckily Phil had sent a town car to pick me up form the airport and take me straight to the Plaza Hotel for breakfast. Some may be asking, who Phil is? Phil Horowitz is one of the best Music law Attorneys in New York, and because a friend of mine has been working in his office for some time now, he agreed to review my cases. Ultimately he agreed to take it and do it pro bono.

So as I arrived at the plaza for breakfast, Bruce was getting out of a cab. Bruce is my standing lawyer, he reads my contracts and advices me in everything I do in the industry. So we went in and talk about our three legal strategies; 1) motion for dismissal, 2) force to drop suit, 3) Delay the trail until next summer so I can dedicate time to be in the courtroom.

I had the best egg florentine I had ever had…. but enough about the breakfast From there I went to the courthouse and the hearing was set to start at 11:30. The hearing started and becuase of the clause I had found in the contract and because of the the court case of Capitol Records Inc vs Rod O’ Malley.

So it was good and I had a reservation in sorentino’s to celebrate so it was a great lunch with friend and colleagues. After that I went to the AES world headquarters and did what I had to do…..

I had my review right there on the spot and luckily I am able to reapply but under probation for the entire year and will not be re-invited to the the convention in San Francisco in October. And that night when out with friend and did the whole New York Scene thing.

Today I had brunch with Christine, to talk things over, lately she’s been getting hammered a lot and calling me telling things that have been affecting me in a very negative way. We are still friends and I need to help her out in any way I can. It was a good brunch and cleared most of the air. Mind you this was a very difficult talk seeing that we both have lingering feeling for each other but because of the distance it would be very difficult to have a real relationship. I have currently agreed to settle here in LA for the time being and have no plans to move to New York in the near future. She goes to Juilliard and is a great pianist and it would be unfair to her to ask her to move her and vice versa. But she had the audacity to that while I was vulnerable last Spring Break. That is why we are no longer together. After brunch I hopped on a plane back to LA.

Here I am in the library finishing up a few homework assignment and writing this.

“The Rants of a Young Audio Engineer” – My Autobiography

Until Next Time

But until then I will have talk about what is happening with me here.

Summer is almost at its end and I had just a few glimpses here and there due to fact of work. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy my work very much, I just wished I was able to take it a bit easier like other people. But at least this way when I’m in school I am able to concentrate on the task at hand and not on money issues. These projects have been able to pay for my bills and put food on the table and for that I am very much grateful.

As my knowledge in the industry grows and I become better known I see that there are tons of options. There is Film, Music, and now I see the new world of Gaming. I have seen gaming become a very important field nowadays, I remember seeing in the paper that the game industry had made more than ALL of Hollywood last year, given that each game is about $50 each, still that is a lot of money.

The recording engineer is becoming a very competitive job seeing that a lot of amateur DJ’s want into the industry while other just want fame, and there are those like me that even at this early age have set myself for a very different career. Am I going to make it? I don’t know. Am I going to become famous? i don’t know. Will I have a job next week? I don’t. Which just make this jobs that much better. I can’t just slack off on a project if I don’t care, because because every project show my skills and techniques as an engineer.

All I can say is that this something I am going to live with and I’m ok with it. There are other places to go; I am making myself seen in other industries and maybe some day I will be in all three.

I was working today and I just realize it was WWDC, a very important day for apple freaks, which I fess up to be one. Then came the second guessing your actions and life. By the end of the recording session I had finished mixing and adding effect to one and a half songs, this out three that I have to do. If I keep this pace I can finish tomorrow and have time to do something before the rehearsal dinner, the play and the wedding. To make things kind of hurt, the recording studio just ordered three Mac Pros and I won’t be able to play with them. I want one but its one of those or paying for the apartment.

I had lunch at Sorentino’s with Tim Huffy, the producer and writer of this one play. I met him a few years back and help him on a project. A few months ago I heard he was looking for a young girl to star in his play, I jumped at the chance to find someone so I asked the only two girls that I thought would have liked to do this and have a passion and the $2,000 finders fee was also a good motivation. So I asked Kelsey and Adri if they wanted to audition. They both seemed interested but I only got a voice demo from Kelsey but by that time the spot had been filled.

It seems odd to be here because I am in a hotel room. I usually stayed with my cousin or at Christine’s but I didn’t want to be a burden on my cousin so close to his wedding. Christine and I are still friends but we have history and wounds still need to be healed; she believes I might stay here in New York. Add to that I am not staying at my normal hotel. Usually I stay in the Plaza but its being remodeled, part or it are becoming condos and others are going to become shops. So I just lost my room with a view of central park. I’m in the Millennium Hilton. Where I worked day shifts back when I first moved here and it right across from Ground Zero.

So there you have it. If you read this, you’ll have more to read tomorrow seeing that I really want to be back and just go back to school. There’s less drama and I could see my friends again. Life will once again seem normal. Whatever that means?

Yesterday I went to see “Annie Get Your Gun” because Adri asked people to go and that was the only show I could attend and enjoyed myself very much. Also enjoy our brief conversation with her. It was brief because she had plans to go out with friends to eat after the play and because I had to get back home and finish packing a few things before heading to the airport.

So here I am for this but I have tried to make and effort to enjoy myself. Today I had a great day with Christine, yes my ex-girlfriend, but we are still friends and I’m ok with that. I will be working for the next three days. Hopefully I can finish in two. Go to Coney Island on Wednesday. Have fittings and rehearsal dinner on Thursday. Tickets to a play on Friday night. A wedding on Saturday and I fly to San Jose on Sunday for a great opportunity to open myself to another section of the industry. Recording sounds for games. 2 week long project and it will be awesome. Well I should get some sleep if I want to wake up in the morning.

So what does faith and secrets have to do with any of this? I have to have faith that this will be able to pay my bills when I grow up, that this where I plan to do for some part of my life and that I enjoy it enough to do this day in, day out for some time. Have faith that I will be able to go a studios and get job or projects, even at low ball studios. I am one of a dying breed. I understand this very much because I am seeing it first hand. Many singers are songwriter, they write their own song, which entails makes them more money, and give them more freedom, but the industry is changing so much, so fast that singer don’t only want to be the songwriter but they want to be the recording/audio engineer; they want to replace me. Its a growing trend that singers or a member of the band is a executive engineer(not an assistant but a partner of the first engineer) and there even those so forego that and just mix everything themselves, built multi-million dollar recording studios in there homes. This is what worries me, I have been working in this industry for about 4 years, my talent have improved, as they should, but they are not as they should be. I know I can be better, but I hesitate because of this. There are no guarantees in life, much less in this industry. Those luckily to sign with a studio have jobs set for three years tops, from there you either go freelance(which is what I have been doing for a while) or you have meet enough people to either: A) open you own recording studio, B) become a scout for record labels or C) become a producer.

I am hitting a wall with my talents, this is my secret, I can do better but I hesitate because I am in the uncertain place, if I continue I could create a great life for me, I have the drive and the determination to succeed, but what of those around me? This a very, very time consuming job, sometime I am called out of town, and if some day I wish to have a family, this might be a very hard issue, because it was an issue between my dad and me. I don’t want to be like him. But do I have another choice.

If I push my myself I know I can expand my talent and my ears(very important) to do this the best. People I have worked with have told me that I have what it takes to become someone in this industry because of my hard work and understanding of the industry at such a young age. Mind you I am 20 and have been working in the industry for 4 years, many of the recording/audio engineer are about 40. So yeah, that makes me feel great.

Secret are just an ulcer in you stomach and just eat away at form the inside,and they are relieving when you tell them, but word of caution; Once a secret is out, there is no turning back.